Rahr & Sons Snowmageddon, an oatmeal stout. 9% ABV, 55 IBU, 1 pint 6 oz (650 ml). Brewed in Fort Worth, Texas. One of the "To Thee Series". Very dark brown, no head (which is dissapointing, 'cause a big frothy head would be awesome for a beer called Snowmageddon).
I don't know if your beers normally talk to you. Perhaps they do. Perhaps they tell you to burn things? Perhaps you have a psychological problem and should seek professional help. I, however, am fine. Beer talks to me because I am special. It reminds me what an excellent dancer I am, and how well I rock a pair of hot pants (Thomas knows what I'm talking about, he's the king of hot pants). The 9% ABV of this beer told the squiggly lines on the label to regale me with a story from back at the turn of the decade. It spins yarns about a mighty snow fall sent by the devil herself!* It seems this demon powder tried to kill all the beer that year, and collapsed the roof of the brewery. The mob was incensed and took up pitchfork and torch, fighting back the white mass to drag free the bloody and battered brewerizing metal automatons to relative safety.* From the wreckage a single baby beer was found, bringing shit-facedness to all the good boys and girls.* Now, every year, on the anniversary of that she-demon blizzard, Snowmageddon reappears, resplendent in spandex and glitter, to lay a boozy smooch on all who believe in it!* And that, children, is the story of Snowmageddon (give or take a detail or two).
"Austin, what does this beer taste like?" you ask. Well, I am getting to that. Calm down, have a drink and I'll tell you. This beer tastes good. Most oatmeal stouts involve something of a gut-punch, but this little fella is smooth and yummy. I want to dip cookies in it. I should make cookies.** There is a creamy smoothness that carries a rich malt and yeastiness. The light fizz keeps the metallic tinge company through the lips and over the tongue.****
I am distracted. Simon and Garfunkel are keeping rhythm for me while I write this, but, rather than staying in the background, they are completely setting the mood for this beer. Between the high ABV and The Boxer, the smooth malt and Mrs. Robinson, the rich creamy texture and The Only Living Boy in New York, I find a shift in my mood from delightfully silly to full-blown karaoke. Don't even try to tell me that karaoke isn't a feeling.*****
The Snowmageddon is a versatile beer, it would seem. A great many beers have an ideal setting or situation. They invoke a narrow gestalt, be it that ideal sunset on the porch with the pooch, or the elbow-to-elbow bar beer. Not so with this'n. This'n****** is a nearly any-time beer. Unless it is Miller-Time, in which case everyone who isn't Venkman can just go shoot themselves in the face. It is not a surprising beer for some unexpected flavor or gimmick. What it is, is a well constructed oatmeal stout, the flavors are traditional for a powerful bold stout and the it embraces the chewy character of the oatmeal stout. It stops short of cudgeling you in the face with dense and boozy beer fists like some imperial stouts might, and remains absolutely drinkable. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't cap off a 5k run with one, but generally speaking, f' yeah, pour away.
The guys up at Rahr & Sons, they make a consistently good beer. I like what they do. This one however, this little-magic-baby Snowmageddon, they knocked out of the park. I'm glad their roof caved in and destroyed their brewery; it gave me this glass of beer. So, it was totally worth it. Can't wait for next years visit from the Snowmageddon. Also, if you are still unconvinced, each bottle has an hundred dollar bill in it!*
*Indicates a high likelihood of bullshit on my part, not to be confused with reality.
**I plan to make cookies later.******No, you can't have any of my cookies.
****Did you finish it in your head? I did.
*****Neither is sobriety, it seems.
******Sprinkle this contraction liberally in your conversations for the respect of your peer group.
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