I think I figured out why people drink all that swill that I refuse to touch. Not because it is good (it isn't), not because it is unique (also a big "no"), not because they taste some mysterious quality that is hidden from me, no, they drink it because they like it. That's it. They just like it. I don't like it, other people shouldn't like it, but there you go. People like things, often for no great reason. Even very bad things ( I'm lookin' at you, Reno, Nevada). This week, I tried a pointless, unimpressive, and unnecessary beer. I liked it.
Between Dallas, Fort Worth, and Denton is Grapevine Lake, and to a lesser extent, the town of Grapevine, Texas. Just south of the southern end of the lake is Grapevine Brewery. Based on this one beer, I have to assume that from Grapevine Brewery comes nothing of any particular note. That's not to say I think their beers are likely bad. Calling them "bad" would be a step too far. My guess is that their beers don't really deserve adjectives. Not "bad", not "good", even "mediocre" seems overly poetic and excessive. I bet their beers mostly exist as beers. Maybe Grapevine provided the beer in Repo Man.
If I had a blind sip of this beer, I would have assumed the type face on the can was sans serif. But, unlike the beer inside, the can is quite surprising. Bold yellow, red, orange, silver and blue colors make up the graphically hip art. What should be a number of disjointed elements come together quite well, giving me something fun to look at and explore. Part of the label even announces, "Nothin' fancy. Just good." True for the label. Over-generous for the beer.
As I said, I like this beer. I like this beer in the same way that I like a date to have two breasts. The "quality" of this beer has less to do with its own merits than on the negative aspects of similar options. I'd choose the Monarch if the only other beers were Coors and Millers. Between this and a Lone Star, well... then there is a question of patriotism to consider. The Monarch may be a touch less watery than those other guys, but that's about it. It does have a way better can though.
There are many many other beers that I prefer, so I won't be buying a cold six of Monarch for any reason I can think of. It might make a decent bar-b-que beer, or Igloo filler. If you are near a bucket of ice and one of these pokes it's head out at you, give it a shot. It won't let you down, because you should have extremely low expectations. Maybe afterwords you'll find a better beer somewhere close-by.
For those who give a shit: Monarch Classic American Wheat, from Grapevine Craft Brewery in Grapevine, Texas. 12oz can, 4.3% ABV. Golden straw color, very mild head. Could be confused for the Muzak version of a James Taylor song.
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