Dogfish Head Punkin Ale

I really hate pumpkin beverage season.  It is that part of the year when America yanks down it's pants and shines a pale moon on decency and taste.  Sadly, it feels more and more like I'm one of the few reasonable people left who didn't drink the pumpkin spice kool-aid.  The good folks at Dogfish Head, who's experimental beers have been both an inspiration and a disappointment, have put on their paper pants, shaved their heads and pledged their souls to the goddam gourd.  Hope is dead.

This week's beer combines the pumpkin I despise and the brewery I respect but don't like, Dogfish Head Pumpkin Ale.  I figured, why not kill myself with two birds while getting stoned.  Flawless plan, right?

So, here is how I screwed up my plan: I liked the beer.

Yeah, for seriously. Punkin Ale is a far cry from the best beer I've ever had (I miss you, Fifty/Fifty), but, dammit, it was just fine.  I might even say it was, amazingly, not bad.  The "punkin" is understated enough not to get my heckles in an upright and locked position.  The "ale" was mild, reasonable, and restrained, unusual in a Dogfish Head.  Combine those two and you have a drinkable, interesting, not hateful, beer.  You won't run back out for a six-pack, but you won't vomit a little in your mouth either.

When I realized I was kinda enjoying a pumpkin beer, then I threw up a little in my mouth.  A gastric expression of the shame I felt, tempered only by my ability to keep my mouth shut.  What do I do next?  I go and write a blog about it.  You're disappointed in me.  I'm disappointed in me.  Nobody is happy with the way this beer drinkin' turned out.  I was looking forward to drinking pumpkin-piss beer and spitting vitriol.  It seems that the hated seasonal squash and Dogfish Head Brewery have teamed up to rob me of my hate.  I finished the beer.  Maybe I even allowed myself to enjoy it for a second.  Now I feel 12 oz emptier, with a beer-size hole in my heart where my hate should have been.

Save yourselves from this existential nightmare, this fall stay away from all things liquid pumpkin, don't make my mistakes.