903 The Land of Milk and Honey

One of the perfect tests of the quality of a beer is how enjoyable it is while playing with your dog.  It is sunny and beautiful out today, I have a new and exciting beer to try, and my dog has a new toy that she loves.

Meet 903 Brewers The Land of Milk and Honey, a golden stout made with lactose and local honey from Sherman, Texas.  I'd never heard of a "golden stout" before, so I was intrigued when I saw this one winking at me from the shelf at my local.  I'd also never heard of 903 Brewers or Sherman, Texas either. 

This guy is mmmmmaaaaaaaalllllty and golden.  Chewy with a sharpness and sweetness you don't expect.  They nailed it with the name, The Land of Milk and Honey.  I've monkey'd around with adding lactose and honey to beers before, and it was a touchy process, easy to get wrong.  903 got it right.  This is a tasty tasty beer.  I'd buy a sixer and kick all my friends out so they couldn't have any.  I'm sold, you're sold, everybody now agrees: this is a solid booze.  You heard it here first, from my can to your eyes.

"Sure, it's a good beer," you say, "but how good is it when you're playing with your dog?"

Best Dog Ever

That's the real question before us today.  I'll address this by breaking the question down into its constituent parts: Does it slow you down?  How's the can feel in your hand while your dog scrabbles at a large hard plastic ball?  Does spilling a bit make you feel worse than playing with a dog makes you feel good?  Is it too hot out to be hopping around drinking a creamy sweet stout?  Why is this dog sooooo much better than every other dog?

I can say with some certainty that drinking this beer while kicking a ball around with my dog does not slow me down in any way.  As an out-and-proud Hobbled-American, I would have a hard time moving any slower than is my standard speed, which is glacial.  With the generous application of beer, however, and the predatory happy eyes of a puppy about to play, I was definitely moving at a far greater clip than normal.  I was emboldened by the booze, and prompted by the puppy.  I flew like a stumbling awkward wind, flitting from left leg to left leg, flopping in a carmagnole of clownish physicality.  So, I got that going for me.  The beer passes the first test.

The can has a good hand-feel.  The aluminum is pliable and firm.  These qualities allowed be to tighten or loosen my grip as needed.  Tighter for when the dog got crafty and tried to run the ball around my feet.  Looser for when I wanted to take a sip of the delicious nectar, tipping it back and up to my face, making me look awesome (like a Diet Coke commercial).  I enjoy this can, it works as a supple skin containing and freeing my sweet sweet beer, shepherding it along its journey to mah belly.  Pass!

As to the third question: I don't spill beer.  Also, by dog makes me infinitely happy.  Pass (by default).

71 degrees and partly cloudy.  The beer came straight from the fridge.  The dog was room temperature.  The ball was cool at first, but later warmed with the sun and doggy drool.  It all worked out just fine. Pass!

Finally, the dog is best because she is Tofu, and she is mighty!

Samuel Adams Honey Queen Braggot

I think we can all agree that Samuel Adams beers have had their day in the sun of craft brewing but are now fully part of the big beer establishment.  That's not say that there is anything wrong with a cold Sammy-A, they're usually just fine, not that I'm gonna grab a cold six any time soon.  So, yeah... I'm kind of surprised to see anything from Sam Adams in this blog.

Here's what happened: I was at the store, minding my own business, slobbering over the beer section at my local, when suddenly I see this weird bee-chick who is either calling me a, or identifying herself as, a "Braggot".  I don't know what I, or she, did to deserve this insult, but I do know that I would have spelled it "braggart".  Being so insulted and misspelled, I purchased this (*gasp*) Samuel Adams beer.  What choice did I have?

The label has all this bee-stuff on it, and a saucy lady giving me a "come hither" look (but she's covered in bees, so that's not gonna happen).  I like the wacky "Honey Queen" name.  The art is fun.  The back of the label has some words in a pleasing font.  All that stuff is pretty great.  So, Sam Adams name aside, I'm thinking this could be a fun beer.

Also, I looked it up, and, according to the internets, a "braggot" isn't an insult or a typo.  Who knew?

You'll never guess what this Honey Queen beer tastes like.  Go on, try.  Wrong! It tastes like honey.  A shit-load of honey.  Somewhere, there must be a field of small eviscerated plastic bears, because, wow, honey.  In fact, if I was the kind of guy who really talked himself up and commented often about my superiority, I might say my better-than-average sense of taste tells me that this stuff is like half beer and half mead.  I might point out how I, and I alone, can pick up on the distinct honey-up-front, beer-at-the-rear combo act of flavor.  That's just the kind of thing a braggot might do.  Lot's of honey, followed by beer, is all I'm sayin'.

It's pretty tasty, too.  A bit candy-sweet for my taste, but not at all bad.  I think I might have preferred just a 12oz bottle.  1 pint 6oz is a long way to the bottom for something this syrupy and rich.  I can see the broader appeal, and I'm sure many people will enjoy the crap out of this, but I think I'm gonna need some tums or something in a bit.  I am, as you know, a delicate flower.  At this moment, I am a delicate flower that is reminded why I prefer malt sugars to honey sugars.  Malt sugars aren't candy-like.  So, while I certainly like this braggot, I would really rather have a stout.

Personal tastes aside, I feel that I owe Samuel Adams, and, by extension, the Samuel Adams Brewery (a.k.a Boston Beer Co.), a nod for taking a risk, and making something that is far more interesting than it is marketable.  Way to go, you corporate beer shills, you really grew a pair with this and took back a cup-full of your Boston pride.  So what if it won't fly off the shelves, or start a new craze, you tried something different.  I'm proud of you.

But, I'm still not going to buy a six pack of your beers or one of your hoighty-toighty glasses.  I've got my pride too.