I smell like bug spray, sweat, and sunshine. The temperature is a brisk 91. I've got a special Mariachi Puro radio playlist on the speakers. The lawn is mowed, and it is time for the second installment of post lawn mowing beer reviews.
In honor of Omar's love of Texas history, his current absence from the city, and how he can't drink booze while he's on some meds, I have chosen New Braunfels Brewing Co.'s Mexico Cannon, a "hand made wheat ale." It was brewed in honor of a cannon given to the colony of Gonzales blah, blah, blah, some other stuff, blah... beer. Omar does that history shit. I focus on drinking beer.
I've set the scene for you, so now I take a sip, aaannnnnd... this beer is horrible. It sucks on a Dyson cyclone technology level.
Have you ever received a present that looks super cool in the wrapping, but when you open it, is really just a punch in the balls? It is an overrated experience, and best avoided. But if you're looking for the thrill, this beer is for you.
The label talks about a "briskly sour [taste] with a puckeringly salty lime punch [in the balls]." It tastes like I dropped my rancid margarita in the gulf, tried to scoop it back into my glass, then took leave of my reason and drank it. When I read the label at the shop, I thought it could be good. I still think the idea is sound, but holy hell, this is aweful. This beer has tainted my post-mow beer ritual.
A part of life's beauty is now dead.
On principle, I'm going to finish this wretched bottle of salty malted shit. Afterwords, I'll probably have to blow a ship-full of sailors just to get this horrible taste out of my mouth. I like to think the worst that can happen if I try a bad beer is that I have a beer, which ain't so bad. After this bad beer, however, I will have to re-mow my lawn just so I can drink a decent post-mow beer. That may seem extreme, but this beer is seriously terrible. Now I have to get the lawn mower back out and hope to hell that I have a modelo in the fridge.
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