NBBCo Mexican Cannon

I smell like bug spray, sweat, and sunshine.  The temperature is a brisk 91. I've got a special Mariachi Puro radio playlist on the speakers.  The lawn is mowed, and it is time for the second installment of post lawn mowing beer reviews.

In honor of Omar's love of Texas history, his current absence from the city, and how he can't drink booze while he's on some meds, I have chosen New Braunfels Brewing Co.'s Mexico Cannon, a "hand made wheat ale."  It was brewed in honor of a cannon given to the colony of Gonzales blah, blah, blah, some other stuff, blah... beer.  Omar does that history shit.  I focus on drinking beer.

I've set the scene for you, so now I take a sip, aaannnnnd... this beer is horrible.  It sucks on a Dyson cyclone technology level.

Have you ever received a present that looks super cool in the wrapping, but when you open it, is really just a punch in the balls?  It is an overrated experience, and best avoided.  But if you're looking for the thrill, this beer is for you.

The label talks about a "briskly sour [taste] with a puckeringly salty lime punch [in the balls]."  It tastes like I dropped my rancid margarita in the gulf, tried to scoop it back into my glass, then took leave of my reason and drank it.  When I read the label at the shop, I thought it could be good.  I still think the idea is sound, but holy hell, this is aweful.  This beer has tainted my post-mow beer ritual.

A part of life's beauty is now dead.

On principle, I'm going to finish this wretched bottle of salty malted shit.  Afterwords, I'll probably have to blow a ship-full of sailors just to get this horrible taste out of my mouth.  I like to think the worst that can happen if I try a bad beer is that I have a beer, which ain't so bad.  After this bad beer, however, I will have to re-mow my lawn just so I can drink a decent post-mow beer.  That may seem extreme, but this beer is seriously terrible.  Now I have to get the lawn mower back out and hope to hell that I have a modelo in the fridge.

Les Fleurs Du Mal

Les Fleurs Du Mal (The flowers of Evil)

What a name!  And its got skulls on it, and a scribbly pen kind of text, and crappy flower drawings, and "evil"!   Ooooooh... Stick a fork in me.  Make it a pitchfork.  Taking this guy off the shelf was a no-brainer, it looks way cool.  So, who wants to try a "saur" beer?  

Les Fleurs Du Mal, from New Braunfels Brewing Company.  16.9 oz, 5.74%ABV.  Honey-straw in color with a pleasing but brief head. Hefenweizen? Saur ale?  Saur wheat ale?  I dunno, s'beer I think.

I love the name of this beer.  The design of the label is pretty kick-ass, too.  Tucked up on the left edge of the label it says, "sans cesse a mes cotes s'agite le demon" or, according to Google translate, "always by my side stirs the demon."  Then, like I said, about the skulls and inky pen letters, and half-assed flowers, it is mostly good good stuff.  Even the company logo is pretty spiffy.  But they ruin it with some bull-shit text about good and evil, and why they put lemongrass in the beer.  I read it, and now I am questioning the way I decide to spend my time.  I won't write it out, but it's crap (there is a picture at the bottom, but don't look at it).  Also, it has some weird capitalization choices going on.  I've spent some time looking at it now, and all I can see is that stupid blah-blah crap now.

For context, New Braunfels is a dull town.  Once a year they have an out-of-this-world pork chop on a stick, but the rest of the time, its is just a bathroom-stop on the way somewhere better.  So, I can understand if they were bored and thought no one would notice the vomit-stain of text on part of the label.  Still, though... what a way to ruin an otherwise terrific label.  I'm not trying to insult New Braunfelians, mind you.  Those people know they live in a shit-hole tourist trap.  Power to 'em, I say.  I'll even grant you they have some very accommodating bathrooms located right off the highway.  All the same, making poor decisions about where to live does not excuse polluting an otherwise solid beer label with that crap.  

The beer, though... the beer is surprisingly drinkable.  I'm not usually a fan of the sour beers, but kudos to those guys.  Sip one was a bit of a punch, but this stuff grows on you super quick.  It has this kind of floral sweet/tart thing going.  There is very little of what I usually go for in a beer to be found in this bottle, but, damn, I really like it.  It isn't so much a contemplative beer as it is a fantastic beer for just tasting.  It makes you want to be a snotty-snot and start talking about hints of this and notes of that.  I'm feeling excited to get to glass 2, and I can't even blame the wimpy ABV.  Still, as much as I am enjoying this, I think I might enjoy it more if I was illiterate.  I really hate that stupid text block.  I should keep drinking and see what happens.

Glass 2 and the snotty-snot tasting time.  First the smells: a big sour tinge, just after the sour comes a mildly floral balsamic vinegar, then a bit of that lemongrass they ham-fistedly mentioned.  Now the taste: cool and tingly bubbles become dried apricots and sour cherry, then a wave of vinegar, all while honey sits Fonzie-esque in the back and just hints at its presence.  All of this happens in a field of summer wild flowers while eating a caprese salad.  I know that right now, you and I both kind of want to punch me in the face for saying that, but try the beer.  It could make a lousy poet out of anyone.  The overall effect of a sip of this beer is an electrical storm on a sunny day.  Maybe that is why they throw out all this "evil" and flowers with skulls.  It makes a kind of sense.

I gave this brewery a lot of crap about their label and about being from New Braunfels, but, to be fair, they deserved it.  However, they have made a really good beer.  It is a saur that I could drink a six pack of (if it comes in six packs).  The last time I had a saur beer I would have liked to kill it with fire, also the saur before that, and the one before that too.  Me and this beer, thought, we're friends.  Despite our many faults we like each other and get along great.  Way to brew New Braunfels!  I wonder if they would let me visit the brewery?  I bet their bathroom is great.